Skateboards, Sex, and Why We Are Always Chasing Numbers

Keep your focus on your own lane, you'll run faster

Photo by Fachy Marín on Unsplash

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Let’s Talk about The Comparison Trap

If you have been on Substack for 5 mins, you have seen numerous examples of writers sharing the success of their substacks. Some of these writers do a wonderful job of detailing what has worked for them, along with what has not. So we can learn from their experiences and improve our own efforts.

Yet many of these writers aren’t sharing what’s worked, they are simply bragging about their accomplishments. And many of the people who read such posts are doing so with envious, even jealous eyes.

Science has studied why we fall into this so-called ‘Comparison Trap’. The need to compare is tied to our self-esteem. And when we engage in comparisons, we start chasing ghosts, in a sense. We see the end result, and assume that person met a desirable goal while operating with the same constraints and advantages that we are under. Once we fall into this line of thinking, we can then become more critical of ourselves: If they could do that, why can’t I?

And our self-esteem can suffer. Additionally, we can look to make more comparisons, as a sort of do-over. A second chance to prove that we are as successful as someone else. Yet if we again fail to meet the accomplishments of the person we are comparing ourselves to, our self-esteem takes another hit.

Years ao, I saw a documentary on PBS called Generation Like that looked at how teens were using social media. Specifically, it looked at how social media was becoming a ‘popularity contest’ among teens, how they were analyzing each other based on how many Likes or shares every bit of content they created received.

From a business standpoint, the episode focused on how teens were building audiences for their content, then leveraging those audiences to secure payments (typically in the form of sponsorships) from brands. Often it was in the form of products that would then be used in their videos, but sometimes cash was involved as well.

The story that I thought was quite telling (and also depressing) was of a 13 year-old skateboarder that was trying to create videos of his skateboarding that would be popular enough for him to make money off them so he could help his impoverished family. He started out making videos just of him performing skateboarding tricks and stunts, but found that those only generated enough views on YouTube to land him sponsorships from companies in the form of skateboarding gear and clothes.

So he had to find a way to get more views for his videos (because more views means more money). He started (again, 13 year-old boy) adding older girls to his videos, showing him dancing provocatively with them and performing sexual poses, basically videos that had little or nothing to do with skateboarding. He would also make videos where he went around doing all sorts of silly stunts with complete strangers.

These videos had far greater reach than just his skateboarding videos, which meant he could make money off them, versus just getting product for his skateboarding videos. The kid then talked about a friend of his that was a far better skateboarder than he was, but the friend admitted that he couldn’t get high views for his videos (even though his tricks and skills were better) because his videos didn’t include the sexual overtones and raunchy humor that were making his less talented friend’s videos more popular.

Think about how this would impact the self-esteem of both teens. I especially think about how the more skilled teen would react to seeing videos from the other teen performing better than his, even though that teen had inferior skateboarding skills. Human nature being what it is, it would be hard for the more technical skateboarder to see that someone else was making videos that were more popular, and not be frustrated with that.

Envy or Aspiration?

However, comparing your situation to others can sometimes create benefits, if you approach the comparison correctly. In the 1990s, a comparison study was done involving cancer patients. The researchers studied how patients reacted to comparing their situation to what other patients were going through. The researchers assumed that most patients would compare themselves to other patients in a similar plight, and would feel more deflated or depressed about their own prognosis.

Researchers were surprised to find that the opposite happened: Patients wanted to focus on other patients who were doing better than they were. My speculation is that patients focused on other patients who were closer to recovery as a source of motivation. If you are diagnosed with cancer and enter a clinic for treatment, you want to know that there is a recovery path available to you. So if you enter a clinic and find that another patient, we’ll call her Sue, has the same cancer you do and she is well on her way to recovery, that would be a great source of comfort for you. You would want to focus on Sue’s journey and compare her progress to your own.

I believe that's the true Comparison Trap that we can fall into. When we look at others who have achieved success or who have met a goal we are also chasing, do we get envious, or do we view it aspirationally? In other words, do we judge ourselves for not doing as well as the other person is, or do we study what the other person has done, and try to learn from it?

In my mind, we should always view such instances as a chance to learn, not as a chance to compare. That’s what I try to do. When I see an article from a Substacker who has just hit ‘hockey stick’ growth or who has hit a subscriber goal that’s similar to mine, I immediately think ‘what can I learn from this?’

BTW, those of you who are sharing your journey here on Substack, write about your results in a way that others can learn from you. Tell us what worked, tell us what didn’t. Share some things that happened that totally surprised you. Good and bad. A few days ago I read a post from a Substacker about the growth of their publication. They included a screenshot that showed a ‘hockey stick’ increase in growth just a few weeks ago. I scanned the article looking for an explanation of how the increase occurred, and saw none. Then I checked the comments, and the first one was ‘How do you account for the hockey stick?’ No response from the author.

Which goes back to my original point about why it is folly to compare to others: Because we just don’t know what circumstances others are operating under. Maybe they have much better circumstances, which accounts for much better results. We just don’t know.

All we know for sure is our own circumstances and our own accomplishments. Which is why I prefer to compare myself against myself, not others.

I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday, your next issue arrives on Thursday, looking at how one company used failure as a springboard for big success. A week from today is Marketing and Movies: The Book of Eli. See you then!

Mack